Jeremy and I Just Minutes Before My SurgeryIn the past I’ve discussed one of my birth stories. I went into extreme detail about the emotions I felt and the weeks and hours leading up to the emergency C-section of my identical twin daughters. What I didn’t touch on very much though was the actual C-section itself. When Valerie presented the idea of moms writing about this topic, I jumped on the opportunity because my life has been significantly impacted by this surgery that so many people take very lightly. Here are the questions I received from Val and my answers:
When Birth Becomes an Emergency
What was the emergency that led to your C-section? On paper it was “breech presentation of baby B.” The situation as it was presented to me was that baby B was positioned footling breech with her umbilical cord wrapped under her slightly bent legs. I was given these scenarios: 1. Rush to the OR for a C-section before my labor progressed any further 2. Deliver baby A vaginally hoping and praying that baby B would in fact turn in the extra opened up space and not come out with 1 foot up and 1 down or worse yet with the cord before her (cord prolapse). I chose the first option.
Do YOU feel it was an emergency? I go back and forth on this. I’ve read stories over and over again from twin moms that delivered babies via breech extraction or that their baby B (in normal breech position, not in the feet down with umbilical cord position like mine) did in fact turn. I have dreams about my labor progressing and delivering my girls naturally. But the harsh reality is that the bad scenario was there, a very real possibility for us. It could have killed her. It could have killed me. So yes, I do feel it was an emergency. Final answer.
How long had you been in labor before the surgery? 8 weeks. No really, for this particular instance, my contractions started around 3 p.m. (I didn’t feel them. They were picked up during an NST.) I was hooked up to an IV for fluids around 5 p.m., given magnesium sulfate around 6:30 p.m. and by 9 p.m. had progressed to 6 cm. My girls were born at 10:36 and 10:37 p.m.
Were you induced (Pitocin, artificial rupturing of membranes, etc.)? Or was your labor natural? It was all natural. We were doing everything we could to STOP it actually.
Did you have an epidural placed during labor? No. A spinal and epidural were placed just minutes before my C-section in the OR.
Did you have any conditions prior to birth, such as gestational diabetes, high blood-pressure, etc.? I assume this question is asked because these high risk scenarios typically have higher C-section rates. So no, I didn’t specifically have those two examples but I was carrying two babies which automatically made my pregnancy a higher risk. I had no other complications though other than the preterm labor. My doctor has gone back in my history and still can’t pinpoint an exact reason why my labor started at 24 weeks or why I delivered the night that I did.
Once it was over, how did you feel about what happened? What about now? I suffered for many months after my C-section. Mentally, I played the “what if…” game. I suffered from postpartum depression. I was extremely detached from my daughters. I knew I loved them but I simply didn’t feel it. I hated myself for it. I couldn’t understand why I still felt so much love for my oldest daughter but hardly wanted to be near my youngest two. I wouldn’t let anyone see my incision. I flinched when I washed over it. I couldn’t even stand for my husband to put his hand near it. Most of those feelings went away. They say time heals all pain and while I don’t know if I’m completely healed, time did help. (Getting treatment for my PPD also made a huge impact.)
It’ll be three years in December since my surgery and I am okay. I’m very sensitive about discussing my C-section, especially when someone assumes I had one just because I have twins. It seems slightly silly to correct them and say that it’s very possible to deliver twins vaginally and then backtrack and say but yes, I had a C-section. In a way I just want the world to be better informed about WHY this surgery needs to take place but more importantly all the reasons why it does NOT need to take place. So that’s where I am now, just trying to use my story to change the world. Wish me luck.
Our Magical Chaos 
I have been over and over which parts of my birth were an emergency too. I wasn’t so annoyed by the C section – I was desperate for it in the end (I’ll post my birth story soon and then you’ll see why) but I wonder about my induction. Was that really necessary and was it the catalyst for everything that went down hill from there? I thinks so but I didn’t have much choice. There was other stuff going on that meant that the induction seemed like the safest choice so that’s what I did. There isn’t anything I can do about it now so I don’t dwell on it but I do think about it in terms of what might happen next time. Thanks for sharing 🙂
I’m glad I’m not the only one. (In the support sense, not the glad your birth sucked too sense.) I don’t particularly dwell on it like daily or anything but I do have PTSD from the experience. The smell of hospital dodo triggers it. And most recently I pulled out our 2t clothes for fall, it’s the outfits Orange wore when I (and the twins) was in the hospital 2 years ago. I broke down. So it still sneaks up on me. I’m very blessed to have proof that we are all okay that I can cuddle tight but it doesn’t make it go away, you know?
Yeah I know. You poor thing. I just want to give you a big ol’ hug X
Well written! I think you are a strong woman for having to go through that, and not completely losing your mind 🙂
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