You Are Not Better Than Me

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Naked Baby Feeding Herself, Wearing Amber. Definitely "Natural" Enough

Naked Baby Feeding Herself, Wearing Amber. Definitely “Natural” Enough

I recently joined a multiples board for attachment parenting. There are a lot of things about this style that I agree with. I breast-fed all my girls (sort of). I love baby wearing. I use cloth pads for myself (although I’ve never gotten into cloth diapering). I made my own baby food and integrated baby led weaning into the mix. I do a lot of these natural things but I am not on board with everything about attachment parenting. That does not make me a bad mom. And it does not make me unqualified to be in a group of AP parents. I still want to connect with these women even if I do not parent the same way as them. No one is a better mom to my three girls than I am and I surely do not need to be judged as not being natural enough. I thought we were all on this journey together. Clearly, I was mistaken.

So this is to “you” the judgy mom. I am okay with your parenting skills, why do you have a problem with mine?

Just because you tandem nursed on demand when I was stuck hooked up to a hands free pump while propping bottles into my girls’ mouths does not make you better than me. I don’t have your kids. You don’t have mine. Had you been in my shoes, you probably would have suffered through nursing my way. Had I been in your shoes, yes, I’d have taken the easy way out. But guess what? That’s not the cards we were dealt. For whatever reason, I was picked for the challenge. I was picked to realize that not everything goes the way we planned. For whatever reason I was chosen to be their mom instead of your kids’ mom; and for that reason I am forever grateful.

My journey may have sucked sometimes but I’m sure you had pits and downfalls too. No matter what, no matter how depressed I was or mad I was or how much I seemed to hate life, it NEVER was because of the kids I was chosen to have.

Just because you chose “peaceful parenting” over a self-soothing method of getting your kids to nap or sleep does not make you better than me. I stand by my parenting choices. Every article you show me saying why my choice is wrong can be backed by an article showing you all the reasons why I am right. Funny thing about the internet is that you can use it to literally prove every decision you make right, no matter which side you are on. The internet will be there to support you. Authors and books will be there to say that yes, your decision was the right one. So stop showing me the articles about all the things you don’t agree with me on. Disagreement is human. It does not make you better than me.

Have you gotten my point yet? I think it’s unfair that I can’t happily be a part of a naturally parenting twins group just because I don’t believe in co-sleeping or because I choose to vaccinate my kids or because we fill the garbage dumps with disposables. (Not that you need my excuse but cloth diapering simply is not for my husband and I.) Am I not allowed to use some natural ways but not others? Is that so wrong of me? No, I didn’t think so. So stop calling me a hypocrite.

The next time that you wake up as me, married to my husband, mother to my children, in my house, with my household income and bills, THAT’S when you get to decide how I parent my kids. And since I don’t see that happening, well, ever(!) then let’s just call this a day and stop passing so much judgment and hate, okay?

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9 responses »

  1. OMG! I COMPLETELY feel you on this!! From parenting to eating organic, you have people that, to them you are never doing it “enough” or “right” because you aren’t doing it “their way”. THEY are actually the hypocrites. ok, let me take a deep breathe and interject that I’ve been following you on facebook for a while now, I think we may have even been in a mommy group together while we were pregnant, I love shoes? If that means nothing to you, my apologies, as clearly mommy hormones have messed with my memory. Anyway, back on topic. I will just say that yes, you are not alone, and judgey MCJudgerson can go take a flying leap, and anyone else like her. We are all good mommies, we all love our babies, and we all do what it right for them. They would judge us for being “sheeple” and following the masses if we didn’t do what we can manage, however, we would be equally as “sheeple” by not doing our own research and following the path of parenting that works for me. Just fyi- i co-sleep, I partially vaccinated, only up to 6 mo, I formula fed, I had a c-section, and my 1 year old has tasted non-organic chocolate and LIKED it. whew! that felt goood!! 🙂 LOL! I swear, I’m normally much more sane than this, but you got me fired up, lol. 🙂

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  3. You know, that’s why I don’t like the mommy labels, like “attachment parenting”; it makes it seem like those that aren’t in that group aren’t as good, AND I think it promotes a prideful way of looking at themselves for those that are in that group.
    The fact is, it doesn’t help anyone to judge each other. 😦
    I enjoy blogging and interacting with other people (moms, mostly) and I like to compare experiences in my “What do you think?” posts, but never to compare who’s better, kwim?
    A little off-topic, but have you blogged about your cloth pads? And did you make them yourself? This is something I have been thinking about lately! 🙂

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