Finding a Place to Fit In

Just a Regular Mom, Living Life Like it Makes Sense To

Just a Regular Mom, Living Life Like it Makes Sense To

Last week I decided to join my local Moms of Twins Club. I went out for my first dinner with them and had a really good time. There was however a few awkward moments when the conversations turned to heavy drinking as a coping mechanism for dealing with twins. It seemed as if it was all in jest and I truly hope that is the case but it did leave me wondering if I really will fit in with this group of women. Luckily, it seems there were still a couple of us that never hopped on that alcohol boat so I’m going to give it some more chances.

The whole experience though, it really got me thinking. Where exactly do I fit in? I have very few real life friends. I have many, many acquaintances and a few mommy buddies plus a great big mostly awesome family so I don’t feel lonely so anything. I’m just not sure where I fit. I don’t have a home church or a book club. I’m not a room mom at my daughter’s preschool. I’m not big on late nights or parties or clubs. An ideal evening includes cuddling up in my PJs and watching a movie while the kids are safely tucked into bed. We’ve literally only been on TWO date nights since the twins were born. Tucking my kids into bed means a lot to me. They are only going to be little for so long and I will miss this. So we take our dates in the afternoon or late morning evening.

I don’t drink alcohol. (I don’t even drink soda.) I don’t smoke. (Seriously, gross. I won’t even go to bars, restaurants or anything that have smoking.) I’ve never done any drug (Not even tried them.) I didn’t sleep around as a teen. I was 17 before I even had my first kiss. I got engaged at 19 and married when I was 20. I don’t say any of this because I think I’m better than the people out there that did all those things before settling down (or still do those things…) I don’t think I’m better than anyone. In fact, when the whole world around me seems to think these are the norm, I somehow end up feeling like the freak. I’m the one left out. I talk about my lack of drinking or drugs or experimenting and I’m called a prude or worse yet I’m told I missed out on living life or that I’ll go crazy with a midlife crisis full of regrets for never having those experiences. The thing that gets me the most though is that people automatically assume I make these choices because I’m living my life in some Godly way. Why does God have to be my excuse for living a healthy lifestyle or making these choices for myself? My religious preferences shouldn’t have anything to do with how I fit in.

So it just leaves me wondering… Am I really that bad? Is it so hard to find a place for me? Please tell me there are other “freaks” out there. Shoot me a message and tell me your story.


About Heather Campbell

I'd like to say I'm fun and interesting, but that all depends on who you talk to. I have everything I've ever wanted. I've been married, mostly happily since 2006. Together we have a spunky redhead and giggly identical twins. I am a mom/homemaker, doula-in-training and a freelance writer. Our story is magical. Our life is chaos.

5 responses »

  1. You aren’t a freak! I often feel the same way. I try to branch out and meet people but most times I’m pretty happy just being at home, to be honest! Try the twin group again but don’t feel like you “should” feel like part of this group because you all happened to have multiple children. There are many other things that could draw you to a particular group or friend!

  2. I’m trying to find my place in this new world of mine (Germany) but it can be difficult. I myself am a twin and growing up I always had a best friend, no need to go out looking for friends… Don’t get me wrong I have made good friends along the way but now that I am married, with twins, and a country away, I feel like I am light-years ahead of them now. I am just now attending my first mommy playgroup this week since moving here seven months ago. Who am I? I am a twin, mom of twins, transplant in a new world.

  3. I totally get this. I have never had a large collection of friends – and now that I’m a mama, I have just a couple people I will intentionally plan to visit and/or confide in. Making friends is a tough business that requires a lot of effort and I honestly haven’t been up to doing all the work. I’m also a “freak” when it comes to alcohol/soda/smoking/etc – I would feel SO out of place at most social events.

  4. Pingback: The Truth About Stay-at-Home-Moms | Magical Chaos

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