Over 5 years ago, I became a mom for the first time. I knew what I was doing, sort of. I was a good mom, sort of. My kid turned out pretty fantastic, really. When I became a mom for the second time to two more little bundles, I knew what I was doing even more. I was a good mom even more. And my kids? Still pretty fantastic. Part of why I think I’m so great (you know, not tooting my own horn or anything) is because I have the ability to adapt and grow. I constantly research parenting trends, hot topics, new studies and more. I know A LOT about parenting. This doesn’t mean I apply every aspect to my own approach but it does mean that I am willing to change my own parenting plan if I find out maybe I was doing something wrong.
Along the way, I often find things I did totally and completely wrong with my oldest daughter. I didn’t do said things the same way with daughters two and three because when you know better, you do better. That’s my “mommy wars” mantra.
WHEN YOU KNOW BETTER, YOU DO BETTER.
But what if you know better and you have all the best intentions but life, convenience, money, chaos, whatever gets in the way. Sometimes, even though you do know better, you actually can’t do better. This is what I’m here to tell you. It’s okay. It is. I promise. I know this because that is what I am faced with right now. The irrational side of me is convinced that the decision will ultimately lead to the death of my daughter. Extreme right? That’s the kind of pressure that my mommyhood perfectionism has placed on my common sense and reasoning abilities.
THIS IS ABSURD!
Often times (because of the beauty of social media) we see other parents posting examples of their parenting abilities. The saying goes that a picture is worth 1000 words but instead of trying to think of what the story may be behind the picture, we immediately assume the parent needs our help or is clueless or just sucks as a parent overall. What if they don’t? What if they are just like ME and they DO know better but had to make an extremely difficult decision weighing all the options and ultimately made the decision to do something less than perfect in the eyes of “the perfect mom?’ What if this was really the case? Does anyone even take a second to think that this may be the case?
I’ve revised my mantra because I have now been in those shoes. Sometimes, you do know better and sometimes you can’t do better. And in the end, you are doing the best job that you can as a parent.